Why am I here?

Well, this is a hard one to write about. So far, in this research fantasy on codeswitching, I have been living in what might happen, and being generally excited about what I imagined might happen. Today I went to my first classroom. I discovered that this “little project” will not be so easy. First of all, my lack of Xhosa prohibits me from knowing what is going on. I am used to easily slipping into “knowing” without paying my dues. Now, I really don’t know what the instances of codeswitching are about. I also was worried that a general mike would not capture what the teacher was saying. When I listened to the audio file, it does happen that I can understand. But the point is that I felt I was hitting a wall. When Lebone called about scheduling my observation for today, it created a sense of dread. It stayed with me for the rest of the day. In addition, my video for Jenifer’s doctoral class came across at 44:00 minutes plus. So I needed to edit it and, of course, get nervous about doing the media work on my own. Interesting how I have come to rely on doctoral students’ expertise. As it happens, I am able to segment and save parts of the video into smaller segments. So, the point in this is that I am having self-image, self-worth as it applies to my work here. I am not entirely sure what has caused this drop in enthusiasm, but it is worth understanding, hence this entry. I will return to it.

Back from an observation of Lebone’s physical science class with 8^th graders at Thanakulu school across the street. I am across the street, waiting for Labone to meet me for his 8^th grade science class. A group of 4 students struggle up to the front door of the administrative building where I’m sitting. They are carrying a female student. They drop her inside the front door. Another adult comes in from outside. The student is conscious, but seems to pass out when she hits the floor. We are told by the office staff (behind the glass) to take her to the nurses’ room. I grab both of her ankles, and back my way down 3 stairs, and a hallway headed past a series of closed doors that open onto the hallway. The female adult at the head tells me to open the last door on the left (my right). In the room, a large adult woman is sitting at the head of the bed, with her braced leg stretched out on the mattress. I do not notice her reaction to our intrusion. With some effort, the woman with the brace struggles to her feet and vacates the mattress. While we wait, the fainted girl is again lowered to the floor. Her skirt has shifted to her waist and her black tight and underwear are visible. I wait a couple of seconds, and then pull her skirt down. I was hesitant to do this, but when no one else moved to do so, I did. With the mattress now available, we again lift her and swing her inert body to the mattress. The small room is full, the woman with the leg brace, the second adult who helped carry her, and 3 or 4 students who originally helped carry her to the office. Then I am worried about the girl. I go back to the nurses’ room and ask one of the students to check her pulse. I repeat the command with my first 2 first fingers at my neck, and she does so, coming back to me with “yea” and moving her upraised fist from open to closed repeatedly. She also uses a sound in syncopation with her hand. Back in the office, the staff is trying to call an ambulance and the girl’s parents. Several adults walk by with performed expressions, that I read as “what’re ya gonna do?” but without shrugged shoulders. Lebone shows up with a lab coat on.

So, what am I doing here? Right now, I am focused on codeswitching and using the project as a context for interacting with R.C. and my involvement with CPUT. But the efforts so far have been in making such contacts, with CPUT, UCT, and UWC. So now what? I can keep giving talks at UWC. What else is there? Prior to this sense of ennui, I was content to drift along and learn whatever drifted up in front of me. Should I be more pro-active in structuring what I should be learning?